Just Friends
by elljayx
Summary: Buffy and Angel have been best friends their whole lives, but when he comes back from college, something changes...
1. Summers

Buffy slumped against the sofa. It had been a long day. Being with Riley was driving her crazy, he was just so clingy and needy! The doorbell rang and she groaned. Her mum wasn't in, so she knew she had to get it. She just couldn't be bothered to move. It rang again and she grumbled under her breath.

She opened the door, a weary expression on her face, but it quickly changed to delight as she saw who it was.

Buffy: Angel!

Angel: Hey Summers

She threw herself into his arms, hugging him close to her. Angel! Her best friend, Angel. She pulled away from him.

Buffy: What are you doing here? I didn't think you were coming back until next week?

Angel was a year older than Buffy and had started college that year. College had broken up that day for Christmas, but Angel was supposed to be going camping for a week with a couple of his friends.

Angel: Doyle's mum got sick so we decided to call it off. Now are you gonna invite me in or not?

Buffy grinned apologetically and moved to the side, letting him in. As usual, they walked the stairs to her bedroom. They sat down on the bed, smiling at each other. It had been too long since they'd seen each other. He was only at UC Sunnydale, but he hadn't been able to come home for a few weeks, due to his work load and she hadn't managed to make it over there.

The pair had been best friends practically since Buffy was born. Their mother's were best friends and had lived next door to each other since before Buffy and Angel were born.

Angel: So how you been?

Buffy: I've been okay

Angel: Oh come on, don't even try lying to me

Buffy grinned. Nobody knew her as well as Angel did.

Buffy: You know me too well _(sighed) _It's just Riley

Angel: Finn?

Angel fought to keep his body relaxed at the mention of Riley. To say he disliked Riley would be an understatement. Pure hatred would probably be a better description. The two had been rivals all through school, despite Riley being a year below. He was always trying to beat Angel at everything.

Angel: What about him?

Buffy: Well we've erm…we've kinda been going out

Angel's eyes widened in shock and a little jealousy at this. Buffy and Finn? What the hell!

Angel: I…you and…huh!

Buffy: I know, doesn't seem likely right? We've only been dating for about six weeks, he's already been driving me crazy, you'll be pleased to hear

Angel: Buffy –

Buffy: _(smiling) _don't deny it. He's just so clingy and all over me all the time, eugh, annoys me so much. Anyway let's not talk about that, I just want to forget it for a while. I want to hear about you. How's college?

….who's Kate?

Buffy tried not to sound too jealous when she said that. Angel slipped her name into the conversation, and it sounded like she was more than a friend. Much more.

Buffy: Is she your girlfriend?

Angel: Erm, well, not really

Buffy: You just sleeping with her?

Angel looked down sheepishly. Buffy always knew. She smiled at him, reading his mind, and trying not to let her hurt show through.

Buffy: I always know. So is she hot?

Angel: Well I'd hardly be sleeping with her if she wasn't, would I?

Buffy: Shallow

She tried to give him a disapproving glare, but couldn't help but melt under his cute, puppy dog smile. They were still sitting on her bed, but had a bowl of potato chips in between them.

Looking at her, Angel couldn't help but smile. She was so beautiful, and fun, and wonderful. He didn't know what he'd do without her. They'd been best friends forever, but he remembered the moment when he'd first realised his true feelings for her.

She was 12 and he was 13. Their mothers had taken them both on holiday during Christmas to Canada. It was the coldest place he'd ever been to. They were all staying in a log cabin that Jenny's (Angel's mum) friend owned and had lent them for a week. While Buffy and Angel were exploring, they found an iced over pond. Buffy loved ice skating and a few years earlier she'd bought her own ice skates, because Angel did everything Buffy did, he'd bought a pair too. They'd brought them to Canada in case they wanted to do some ice skating.

Angel, ever the cautious one, wasn't sure about ice skating on the pond. He knew the dangers. But Buffy was adamant and he didn't want to refuse her. She was excited so she skated ahead of him, straight into the middle of the pond. He was hurrying to catch up with her when he heard a loud crack coming from where she was standing. She looked at him in horror, her eyes widening. Then the ice gave way, and she disappeared.

Angel shouted her name repeatedly and she reappeared, gasping for air and trying desperately to cling onto the side of the ice. He skated over as she disappeared again. Think, Angel, think! He looked around, trying to find something, anything, that could help pull her out. Then he saw it, an abandoned fishing rod on the side of the lake. It wouldn't be strong enough to pull her out, but it would help him get a hold on her. He skated as fast as he could towards it and rushed back, falling to his knees on the ice. Buffy's head popped up, shivering and she cried out his name as she fought to stay afloat, her skates dragging her down.

Angel: Buffy, grab hold of the fishing rod!

He fed it to her and she tried once, twice before, on the third attempt, she managed to hold on to it. He slid closer, careful not to break the ice with his weight and, keeping the rod in one hand, reached out a hand to her. He grabbed at her and began to pull her out, achingly slowly, not wanting to disturb the ice. He moved even closer until he managed to get his arms under her armpits, then hauled her out of the water, rolling her away from her weak ice and towards the edge of the lake. She was sobbing and shivering, freezing cold and so terrified, clinging on to him desperately. She'd thought she was going to die. He ripped off their skates, picked her up in his arms and ran with her back to the cabin, ignoring the freezing ground hitting his feet. They'd both had to go to hospital that day and she'd barely escaped pneumonia. He'd known at that moment, that if he lost her, it'd kill him. And he knew it was down to more than just friendship.

Buffy waved a hand in front of Angel's face, trying to get his attention.

Buffy: Woo? You in there?

Angel: Oh sorry, just spaced out there for a minute

Buffy: What were you thinking about?

Angel: Remember the Christmas we went to Canada?

Buffy shuddered as she remembered how terrified she was when she'd fallen through the ice.

Buffy: How could I forget? Why were you thinking about that?

Angel just shrugged, and decided to change the subject.

Angel: So, what time's your mum getting home?

Buffy: Not til late, there's some new inventory for the gallery so she'll be there for hours

Then the doorbell rang.


	2. I missed you

Buffy excused herself to go and answer the door, but Angel followed anyway. He was curious, as ever. As Buffy opened the door, he saw Riley. He almost growled when Riley greeted Buffy with a kiss.

Buffy nearly groaned when she saw Riley at the door. Why did he have to come round now? When he kissed her she wanted to push him away. She knew Angel was standing right behind her and she didn't want him to see Riley kiss her. She told herself it was because Angel hated Riley, but she knew it was for a much different reason.

Riley looked behind Buffy then and saw him. Angel. What the hell was he doing here?

Riley: Angel

Angel: Riley

Buffy rolled her eyes. It sounded like something out of a movie.

Riley: Buffy, I was wondering if we could talk?

Buffy: I've got company Riley. But I'll see you tomorrow, at school

Angel had a triumphant smile on his face as Buffy moved to close the door, but Riley stopped her. Angel took a step forward, prepared to protect Buffy if Riley tried anything.

Riley: Please, it'll only take a couple of minute, just come on a quick walk with me. I swear you'll be back in ten minutes.

Buffy looked at Angel questioningly, then back at Riley. She should speak to Riley really. She pulled her coat off the hook next to the door, then turned to Angel.

Buffy: I'll be back soon, you wait here

She reached up and kissed him gently on the cheek before turning and walking out with Riley. Angel sighed deeply and touched his cheek where she had kissed him. She had no idea what she did to him.

Riley was bubbling with jealousy at Buffy's behaviour towards Angel. He knew they were best friends, but since when did they kiss? They walked in silence for a few minutes, before Buffy broke it.

Buffy: So what did you wanna talk about?

Riley: Are we okay?

Buffy: What are you talking about?

Riley: You just seem really distant lately and I wondered if something was wrong

Buffy took a deep breath. She had to do it now or she never would.

Buffy: Actually, I don't really think it's going to work between us

Riley stopped and took her arm, turning her towards him. He was shocked and didn't say anything for a few moments.

Riley: I…why? Is it because of Angel?

Buffy: What? No, of course not!

Riley: But you seemed pretty close back there

Buffy: Riley, you've been right through school with us. You know we're close, we're best friends

Riley: Then what is it?

Buffy: I just don't think it'll work with us. I'm sorry, Riley. Really, I am

She turned around to walk away from him, back to her house, but he grabbed her arm, stopping her.

Riley: Well, can't you at least tell me what the problem is. Then I could try and change it. I really like you, Buffy

Buffy: I'm sorry Riley, but you and me just isn't right

She walked away again and this time he let her go, confused. What was wrong with her? They were great together, weren't they? He thought of Angel again. Was she really telling the truth when she told him they were just friends?

Buffy walked back into her house and Angel hurried in to the hallway from the living room.

Angel: You're back

Buffy: Yeah, I said I wouldn't be long

Angel: What did he want to talk about?

Buffy: He said I'd been distant with him lately. I broke up with him

Angel: Oh. Well, I'm sorry

Buffy: _(grinning) _don't lie Angel, it doesn't suit you. And it's okay, it wasn't going to work. Anyway, you want to stay for dinner? I'm gonna make my famous call to the pizza place. What do you think?

Angel: Sure. Sounds good

An hour later, Buffy and Angel were sitting on the sofa with pizza and tubs of Ben and Jerry's, watching Will and Grace. They laughed and finished off the pizza, before starting on the Ben and Jerry's. Buffy had a tub of Phish Food, while Angel stuck with Cherry Garcia. Some things never changed.

Buffy: I'm glad you're back, Angel. I missed you

Angel tore his eyes away from the television and smiled at her.

Angel: I missed you too

After a moment of silence, they turned back to the tv, both feeling as though they'd revealed something to the other, without meaning to.


	3. Kate

At the weekend, Angel and Buffy walked into the Bronze and walked over to the usual table. Willow, Xander, Oz and Cordelia were already there. Angel grinned at them, hugging the girls tightly. He'd missed them all. He saw Faith, Spike and Drusilla because they went to college, but he didn't often see his friends in the year below him. But ten minutes later, he realised why Xander was the one he hadn't been as ecstatic about seeing. His jokes and constant jibes at Angel were annoying him. Buffy noticed and quickly asked him to dance, to get him away.

Angel accepted readily, despite his less than perfect dancing skills. The song was pretty slow so he should be okay. He wrapped his arms around Buffy's waist and she put her arms around his neck as they moved together. He knew exactly why she was his best friend. And why she was more to him. She was perfect. More than perfect.

Buffy: What are you thinking?

Angel: That I'm lucky you haven't stepped on my feet yet

Buffy mocked looking shocked and hit the back of his neck with her hand, playfully.

Buffy: Hey! You should be grateful, I got you away from Xander for a while

Angel: _(grinning) _I know, I am grateful. And you know I'm kidding, I was actually thinking you look beautiful

Buffy: Really?

Angel: Really

Buffy: Aww, that's sweet

Angel smiled winningly down at her and she felt her insides melt. She wanted so badly to kiss him. Suddenly she felt a tap on her shoulder and she pulled away from Angel to face a pretty, angry-looking blonde woman.

Buffy: Can I help you?

Kate: Yeah, you can tell me why the hell you're dancing with my boyfriend!

Buffy looked confused between Angel and Kate for a minute. Then it clicked.

Buffy: Oh, you must be Kate

Kate looked at Angel for an explanation, the fire in her eyes only slightly dissipating. Angel quickly stepped between the two of them, seeing how Buffy's stance change to defensive. Buffy was scary when she got angry.

Angel: Kate, this is Buffy, my best friend

Kate: Oh

She turned to Buffy again, her smile apologetic, but her eyes still warning Buffy who Angel belonged to.

Kate: Sorry about that. I didn't know you were Buffy

Buffy noticed the look in Kate's eyes and felt anger boil inside her at it. What right did she have! But she felt slightly placated by the realisation that Angel must have told Kate a lot about her. She smiled, showing there were no hard feelings when Kate whisked Angel away from her.

Kate: You don't mind if I steal him, do you?

Before Buffy could answer, they were gone, dancing a little way off. Buffy's fists clenched in jealousy as she made her way back over to her table. Willow placed a hand on her arm.

Willow: What was that about?

Buffy: She's his girlfriend

Willow: Oh Buffy, I'm sorry

Buffy attempted to put a confused expression on her face as she met Willow's eyes.

Buffy: Will, I don't know what you're talking about

Willow checked none of the others were about and leaned in closer to Buffy.

Willow: It's okay, Buffy. You don't have to pretend to me. I know you like Angel

Buffy: Is it that obvious?

Willow: Well, not to everyone. Only to me and Cordy

Buffy: You think Angel knows?

Willow: I don't know

Willow didn't tell Buffy that she suspected Angel felt the same way. Ever since she'd known the two of them, she'd thought there was something else between them. The way Angel looked at her was nearly proof enough for that. When he was dancing with Buffy he looked like he belonged there, not like he did with the other woman.

Willow: What's her name?

Buffy: Kate

She said the name like she hated it, and Willow couldn't help but smile at her reaction. Oh yeah, she had it bad for Angel.

Buffy: He told me he was sleeping with her. But he said she wasn't his girlfriend

She sounded so hurt that Willow wanted to go over to Kate and punch her, then shake Angel to his senses. But she didn't. And she didn't say anything else to Buffy. What was she supposed to say? As the next song ended, Angel, Kate and the others walked over, and Willow heard a small groan emit from Buffy.

Angel: Kate, this is Willow, Xander and Cordelia, and that's Oz up there playing the guitar. Guys, this is Kate

Kate: His girlfriend

Cordelia forced a smile to her face. She didn't like Kate already. The way she introduced herself as Angel's girlfriend made her feel like she was marking her territory. She snuck a glance over at Buffy and noticed the heart-broken expression on her face. She was trying to cover it up, but Cordy recognised it. Willow did too, and it broke her heart to see it.

Cordy couldn't see why the two of them didn't get together. They were completely perfect for each other and she thought it was pretty obvious that they were totally into each other. But they seemed oblivious. The rest of the night was pretty awkward. Kate seemed suspicious and on her guard, Buffy was quiet and sullen, Angel was withdrawn, and the rest were trying desperately to act like normal. Kate called a cab about an hour later, to take her back to the motel she was staying at for a couple of days. She was obviously hinting for Angel to invite her to stay at his while she was there, but he didn't, and she left annoyed. As soon as she left, Buffy excused herself too, saying that she should really get home. Angel said he'd leave too and although Buffy would rather walk alone, she couldn't ask him to let her, he'd know something was wrong.

For the first few minutes, they walked in an awkward silence.

Buffy: _(lightly) _I thought she wasn't your girlfriend

Angel: So did I

They slipped into silence again.

Angel: I'm sorry for the way she behaved. She can be like that sometimes

Buffy: What, a complete ignorant bitch?

The words slipped out before Buffy could stop them and Angel paused, pulling her around to face him.

Angel: Hey, where did that come from?

Buffy: _(sighing) _I don't know

Angel: Look, I know she wasn't great tonight, but that doesn't mean you can say those things about her

Buffy: _(angrily) _Like they're not true! Oh come on, she accused me of stealing her boyfriend, then make it perfectly clear that you were her property. Then ruined the first night we've all had out in months, and treated me like dirt. And you, my best friend, didn't try to stop her

Angel: First off, it was a misunderstanding! She didn't know you were you and –

Buffy: Yeah, sure she didn't at first. But then, when she was smiling so sweetly at me, she had that look that said 'touch him again and I'll take you out'

Angel: You were imagining it

Buffy: Yeah, of course, sure I was imagining it. Take her side, why don't you

She started to walk away. Their street was only round the corner. But he ran in front of her, blocking her way.

Angel: What the hell are you talking about! Take her side! I didn't realise there were sides here

Buffy: Let me past, Angel

Angel: Not until you tell me what's going on. Why's this getting to you so much?

Buffy: It's not!

Angel: Sure it's not

Buffy: Stop it!

She pushed past him and hurried around the corner but just as she got to their houses, he grabbed her arms again and pulled her around to face him, lifting her slightly.

Angel: Buffy, what's going on?

Buffy found that she couldn't answer him. Her heart was beating fast in her chest and she felt flushed from being so close to him in that way. He noticed her lack of speech and their eyes met. Fire danced between them as they recognised what they saw there. Angel tightened his grip slightly and started to move her closer to him. But then Buffy realised what they were doing and she shook herself free, her eyes staring wide up at him.

Buffy: You have a girlfriend

With that she ran to her house, not stopping to look back. Angel stood at the top of his drive, breathing heavily. They'd been so close to kissing, so close…


	4. I don't know what i want

Buffy leaned against the door, tears springing to her eyes. He was going to kiss her. Why was he going to kiss her? And why the hell did she have to stop him! She cursed herself silently in her head. She was tempted to run round to his house, grab him and kiss him. But that wouldn't be the right…would it? She mentally shook herself and started up the stairs.

As Buffy got in bed she swore inwardly. Tomorrow was Saturday. Angel and Jenny were coming round for dinner. Giles was coming round too, Jenny's boyfriend and the school librarian. Buffy buried her head in her pillow. She had to spend a whole evening with him. Normally they'd have the family dinner, then Joyce and Jenny would sit in the living room chatting whilst Angel and Buffy went up to her bedroom and hung out. How would they manage that now?

It was the following afternoon and Jenny, Giles and Angel would be round at any minute. Buffy had decided the best thing to do would just be to act normal, pretend that nothing had happened. Because really, it hadn't. They hadn't kissed. She kept repeating that to herself in her head. There was nothing to be embarrassed or awkward about because they hadn't kissed. The doorbell rang and Buffy's heart began to pound. When they walked into the living room, Buffy's stomach fluttered. But to her relief, Angel just smiled like normal and hugged her. They were going to be alright. For some reason, Buffy felt a sinking sensation in the pit of her stomach when she thought this.

The meal was over and Buffy and Angel retreated to her bedroom. Angel picked up her stuffed pig, Mr Gordo when he went in and sat down in her chair.

Angel: Still got Mr Gordo

Buffy: Of course

Angel: Buffy, I'm sorry about last night. I got angry at you, and I shouldn't have. You were right

Buffy: No, you were right. I did over react. I blew it out of proportion

They both stood up when Angel said

Angel: Friends?

Buffy: Best friends

They hugged tightly, and Angel placed a soft kiss on the top of her head. They pulled away slowly and looked at each other, their arms still loosely around one another. Angel lifted one hand to trace her jaw line, and it came to rest on her neck. Their smiles had evaporated now. Angel slowly bent down as Buffy angled her head up to him. Her eyes closed as he moved closer. She could feel his breath mingling with hers, they were so close. Then, finally, she felt the contact of his lips. She almost gasped at the sensation. His lips were soft, and gentle, but urgent as they moved over her own. She kissed him back, tentatively at first, but with growing passion as he pressed her lower back into him. She moved one hand up around his neck to tangle in his hair as he slid his tongue into her mouth.

She moaned softly as their tongues danced. He tasted sweet, and of mint. She was certain that if his arms weren't around her, she would have fallen over. She tightened her grip on him, kissing him furiously now. They pulled away slightly for breath but immediately rejoined, soft moans and groans escaping from their throats.

He couldn't get enough of her. Her scent, her lips, her taste. He wanted all of her, and though he knew they should stop kissing and talk about what was happening, he couldn't bring himself to tear away from her. Instead he did the opposite, and pulled her closer, resting his hand on her backside. He needed her. He'd waited so long for this moment. And he had to have her.

They grew ever more passionate until a sudden realisation sprung into her head. Angel had had sex. Lots of sex. What did he expect? Did he expect it from her? She wouldn't mind some time in the future, but not now, definitely not now. She wasn't ready. She began to panic, especially as she found she couldn't physically make herself pull away from him. He tasted too good. Instead of pulling away she found herself clinging to him more desperately, her body trembling with desire. When Angel's hand found its way to her backside and squeezed gently, she gasped and kissed him harder. But then she thought of something else. Kate. Somehow she managed to find the will power to drag her lips from his, and he stared down at her, panting, passion blazing in his eyes. He moved down to kiss her again when she pressed a hand to his chest, stopping him.

She moved away from his arms, running a hand through her hair.

Angel: What's wrong?

Buffy: What are we doing?

Angel: _(grinning) _Well I think we were kissing

Buffy looked at him and saw he was smiling his half smile. The one that drove her crazy. She fought back the desire to jump into his arms and smother him with kisses. She moved slightly further away, trying to distance herself from him, to control herself.

Buffy: You know what I mean. What are we doing? We're best friends. You've got a girlfriend -

Angel: Kate's not my girlfriend

Buffy: She seems to think otherwise

Angel: I'll set her straight

Buffy: It's not as simple as that

Angel moved towards her until he was staring right down at her, and their bodies were only inches apart.

Angel: It's not?

Buffy stared up at him for a moment, mesmerised. Then moved to the other side of the room.

Buffy: No, it's not! And there's other things too

Angel: Like what?

Buffy: You know, things

Angel: Wow, that's really specific. Don't you want this Buffy?

Buffy: _(pause) _I don't know what I want

Angel looked at her, hurt, then he opened the door to her bedroom.

Buffy: Wait! We have to talk about this!

He ignored her and carried on going, walking out the front door. Buffy sighed and lay down on her bed. She could hear the adults downstairs, wondering what happened. What had happened?


	5. You hurt me

Over the next couple of days, Angel ignored her. They even had a shopping trip planned on Sunday, but he rung her saying he didn't feel up to it. Sure she was relieved at the time, but now she was angry. More than angry, she was furious. It was Monday, and it was Christmas on Friday. The Calendar's and the Summers' always spent Christmas together. And there was no way she wanted their Christmas to be ruined because they hadn't spoken about what had happened. They were best friends. The main reason she'd been worried about having a relationship with him was because she didn't want to ruin their friendship. And now it was ruined anyway. She knew it was partly her fault, but she also knew it was his too. How dare he walk out and then ignore her? That was hardly going to solve anything.

So she went round to his house, with the intention of confronting him. She knocked on the door, expecting Angel or Jenny to answer. But it wasn't either of them. It was Kate. Wearing Angel's shirt. Only wearing Angel's shirt. Buffy's mouth opened and closed at the sight.

Kate: Can I help you Buffy?

Buffy didn't say anything, just stared at Kate, tears forming in her eyes. She heard Angel coming in from the kitchen. She didn't want to see him, not now. She managed to shake her head and turned away, hurrying down his drive. She heard Angel shouting her but she kept on going, tears flowing down her face. She rushed back to her house and closed the door, then sat down on the sofa and began to cry.

Angel ran round to Buffy's house, ignoring Kate. God, god, god, what had he done? He knocked on the door but there was no answer.

Angel: Buffy, Buffy please let me in

Buffy: Go away

He could tell that she was crying, and it broke his heart. He knocked again.

Angel: Buffy, please. Let me explain

Buffy: I saw enough

Angel: Just let me talk to you

Buffy: Why should I?

Angel: Buffy, we've been best friends for 17 years. Don't let this ruin it

Then the door flung open and Angel was faced by a furious, puffy-eyed, Buffy.

Buffy: How dare you say that to me! You're the one who's been ignoring me for the past two days!

Angel: Buffy I –

Buffy: I was so confused after what happened on Saturday. And you just left! I thought maybe you'd talk to me about it yesterday, or today. But instead you ignore me and go and sleep with your…whatever the hell she is!

Angel: Buffy –

Buffy: Just leave me alone, okay!

She started to shut the door, but he pushed it open and walked in, shutting the door behind him.

Buffy: Get out

Angel: No

Buffy: I said get out. I don't want you here. You've done enough

Angel: At least let me explain

Buffy: There's nothing to explain. I thought you cared about me, or at least respected me

Angel looked at her, completely shocked

Angel: I do, how can you say I don't?

Buffy: How can I not! You kissed me, then you left, then you never called, then you slept with Kate!

Angel: Well you never called me either! And the reason I left was because you made it perfectly clear you didn't have feelings for me in that way

Buffy: What the hell are you talking about! All I said was I didn't know what I wanted! And by that you assumed I didn't want to be in a relationship with you? I was confused Angel! We've been best friends for 17 years and suddenly we're kissing. I was worried it'd ruin our friendship, and I was worried about what you'd expect from me –

Angel: What I'd expect from you?

Buffy looked down, before meeting his eyes again. Hell why not, she might as well tell him.

Buffy: Oh come on Angel, you've been sleeping with girls for two years now, nearly three. And we're standing in my bedroom kissing, and all I can think about is how you've had loads of sex and we were right near my bed and –

Angel: _(angrily)_ You honestly think I care about that? You think I'd force you into something you didn't want to do!

Buffy: No, of course not! But I was afraid that if you tried to take things further I wouldn't be able to stop you cos I'd want it too!

They stood in silence for a few moments, staring at each other. Neither one knew what to say.

Angel: Buffy I don't know what to say

Buffy: Don't say anything. Just go back to Kate

Angel: The only reason I slept with her was –

Buffy: Don't. I don't want to hear your excuses

Angel: Please, Buffy

Buffy: No

She looked up at him, her eyes shining with tears and hurt. A lone tear slipped down her face and her eyes practically pleaded with him.

Buffy: Please Angel. Leave me alone

He nodded once and opened the door, pausing slightly as he was about to leave.

Angel: I never wanted to hurt you Buffy

He shut the door behind him and Buffy sagged against the wall, tears trailing down her face.

Buffy: Yeah, well you did


	6. Christmas wishes

It was Christmas Eve and Buffy was out doing last minute shopping for her mum's present. She hadn't spoken to Angel since Monday, and it was killing her. She knew that she loved him, and all she could see now was Kate, standing in his doorway, in his shirt. She'd known for a long time that she'd loved him, and that was while he was sleeping with other girls. But it was different now. They'd kissed.

She could remember the first girl he'd been with. Darla. Boy she hated Darla. She'd tried to warn Angel off her, but he'd said he knew what he was doing. They were together for a year, he ended it when he found out she'd been cheating on him, with a lot of people, not all of them guys. He'd been devastated. They'd started sleeping together almost straight away. She knew immediately. She saw him the next day and he looked different, almost happier. And she knew. She'd asked him and he'd admitted it. She'd smiled and congratulated him. But inside she was sobbing. She'd wanted him to be her first, and her to be his.

Buffy sighed. It wouldn't do to dwell on the past. She had enough to worry about tomorrow. She fingered the Claddagh ring on her finger. Angel had given it her for her sixteenth birthday. He had one too. He'd told her they were a sign of friendship. It was her most treasured possession. Along with Mr Gordo of course. She was dreading tomorrow. She thought maybe Angel wouldn't be coming but Joyce, knowing that her and Angel weren't on the best terms, had checked with Jenny who'd said that he would still be coming. She thought it might be for the best if he didn't.

When she got back home she opened her wardrobe and got out the wrapped gifts in there. Those were the presents she'd brought him a few weeks ago for Christmas. She sighed. She doubted he'd want them now, but she'd wrapped them the previous day anyway. She still wanted to give them to him. She had no need for them.

Willow and Cordelia had been great to her. She'd rung them on Tuesday. She'd been embarrassed to explain everything that had happened, but she had to tell someone. She had to let it out. They'd immediately come over and spent the day comforting her, telling her how awful Angel was, and cursing Kate. She could agree with them about Kate, but she still couldn't think badly of Angel. She hated feeling the way she did. She wished she didn't. She wanted more than anything to be able to forget about him and move on. But she couldn't.

Christmas Day came and she concentrated on the few hours that she'd have with her mother, before Angel and his family came round at midday. Her and Joyce exchanged presents in their pajamas, then set about making the dinner together, as they did every year.

When Angel, Jenny and Giles arrived, Buffy was ready to throw up. But she smiled politely, avoiding eye contact with Angel, and behaved herself throughout the meal. When the time came for exchanging gifts, Buffy and Angel left theirs to last.

Angel: Can we open them privately?

Buffy hesitated slightly, then nodded and lead him up to her bedroom, leaving the grown-ups to speculate what was going on between them. When they got up there, Buffy sat down awkwardly on her bed and handed Angel his presents. She'd brought him a long silver chain, with a sword charm on the end, one of his favourite movies, Die Hard and a bar of his favourite chocolate. He thanked her shyly and she moved to her wardrobe, bringing out another present. She'd wondered whether she should give him this. It was the most personal one. But she thought it would be right. He opened it slowly and smiled when he saw what it was. It was a stuffed pig, almost identical to Mr Gordo. And on the tag it read _because I know how much you love mine! Love Buffy xx_

Before she could stop him, he'd swept her up in a hug. He only held it for a few seconds, but it felt like a lifetime to Buffy. He released her and held out two presents and a card, telling her to open the card last. The first present she opened was a framed picture of the two of them. It was taken in the summer, she remembered. They were in the park, he was giving her a piggy back, her arms were wrapped around his neck from behind. They were laughing. It brought tears to her eyes to think of it. Happy times. She quietly thanked him and opened another, gasping when she saw it. It was a beautiful silver cross, it must have cost him a lot.

Buffy: Thank you Angel, it's beautiful

Angel: Open the card

Buffy looked at him for a second before opening the card. It simply said _Merry Christmas, Love Angel x_ There were two pieces of paper inside. She unfolded one and her eyes widened. It was a sketch of her lounging on his bed, like she often did. He was an amazing artist. She hadn't posed for it, he'd drawn it from memory. She couldn't stop a tear from escaping now.

She opened the other piece of paper, it was a letter. She began to read.

_Buffy,_

_There're some things I wanted to tell you that I didn't get to say. I know this doesn't begin to make up for what I did, but I'm sorry. I meant it when I said I never wanted to hurt you. You're the most important thing in my life. Kate was never my girlfriend. She was a distraction, that was all. When I kissed you, everything suddenly made sense. You've always been my best friend, but you've been more than that for so long. I tried to pretend that I didn't feel anything more than friendship for you, I never guessed that you felt the same way, so I hid it. _

_When you told me you didn't know what you wanted, I over reacted. I assumed you didn't want me, at least in that way. I rung you to cancel our shopping trip, and more than anything I wanted you to tell me you wanted me. But you didn't. I should have talked to you about it but I was upset. Kate came round and you saw the rest. I can't tell you how much I regret that now. This might not change anything but, just so you know, I broke up with her._

_Remember that Christmas at Canada? You were 12 and I was 13. It was the first time I realised how I really felt about you. That's the most scared I can ever remember being. When you fell through the ice, I didn't know what I was going to do. I realised that if anything ever happened to you, it'd kill me. Because I love you. Nobody has ever compared to you. _

_I love you, Ionuin, more than anyone or anything. I'm sorry for hurting you._

_Angel _

Buffy re read the letter, then looked at Angel, tears streaming down her face. He was kneeling in front of her now, his hands resting on the bed either side of her. Her face broke out into a smile and she threw her arms around his neck, hugging him hard. She pulled away slightly and kissed him long and softly. Then he moved up and sat next to her on the bed. She burrowed her head against his chest, sighing happily as he wrapped his arms around her.

Buffy: Angel? What does Ionuin mean?

Angel: It's Gaelic for beloved

Buffy had forgotten that Angel knew Gaelic. His father was Irish and he taught Angel some of the language before he died. She pulled away and Angel reached his thumb out to wipe away her tears.

Buffy: Beloved?

Angel: Yes. I meant it Buffy. I love you

Buffy: I love you too

Angel: Y-you do?

Buffy: Of course I do, dumbo

He grinned at her, then moved forward and kissed her softly and passionately. He started to move away, remembered what she'd said about pushing, but she held on to him and deepened the kiss, pushing her tongue into his mouth. After a while he broke off the kiss and lent his forehead against hers, giving her a final soft kiss.

Angel: We'd better go back downstairs. They'll be wondering what we're up to

Buffy: Let them wonder

She pulled him back to her for another long, passionate kiss, one that made her toes curl and her body flush. Damn, he could kiss.

Buffy: What about Darla?

Angel: _(breathlessly) _Huh?

Buffy: In the letter, you said nobody compares to me. What about Darla? Did you ever love her?

Angel startled her by laughing softly, gently massaging her back with his fingertips.

Angel: No. I never loved her. I cared about her. But I never loved her

Buffy: Why?

Angel: Because she wasn't you

Buffy looked at him in surprise.

Angel: Why do you look so surprised?

Buffy: Because I am

He smiled at her and kissed her once softly, then hugged her tightly, burying his face in her neck.

Angel: Like I said, nobody can compare. You're perfect

He kissed her neck softly once before getting up and pulling her to her feet.

Angel: Come on, before they send a search party for us

He reached for the door handle but she put her hand on top of his, stopping him. He turned to face her, a question in his eyes.

Buffy: I love you

Angel: I love you too Ionuin

Buffy smiled. She liked this pet name.


	7. Ionuin

It was New Year's Eve and Buffy, Angel, Willow, Xander, Oz and Cordelia were at the Bronze. Oz was up on stage with the Dingoes while Willow sat at the table, looking at him with adoring eyes. Xander and Cordelia were already dancing when Angel and Buffy walked in.

Buffy looked beautiful. She was wearing a dark red dress that came just below mid-thigh and strappy sandals. Angel couldn't stop looking at her. He just couldn't believe that this beautiful woman was his. He wrapped an arm around her waist, guiding her to the table where Willow was sitting.

Willow: Hey guys, Buffy you look great

Buffy: Thanks, so do you

They sat talking for a while, then a slow song came on and Buffy grinned at Angel.

Buffy: Wanna dance?

Angel: What's in it for me?

Buffy raised her eyebrows and stood up beside him. She moved closer and gently nibbled on his ear.

Buffy: _(whispering) _wouldn't you like to know?

Angel shivered at her breath and lips on his ear. She took his hand and led him to the dance floor. She grinned. He was like putty in her hands. She wrapped her arms around his waist, and he wrapped his around her shoulders, pulling her close to him as they moved slowly. He slipped his hands down her back and she moved hers up his chest to his neck. He lent down and kissed her deeply, leaving her clinging on to him for fear of falling. He knew exactly how to make her weak.

Riley watched the pair from across the Bronze, jealousy washing over him. She'd said nothing was going on between them. That didn't look like nothing. As they pulled away and Angel went to the bar, Riley caught up with Buffy.

Riley: Best friends, huh?

Buffy: Riley

Riley: So that was why you broke up with me

Buffy: No. When I broke up with you, we weren't together, or even close to being together. We didn't get together until Christmas Day

Riley: You expect me to believe that?

Buffy: It's the truth

He grabbed her arm as she turned to leave but then Angel was there, his hand firmly on Buffy's shoulder.

Riley quickly left. He hated Angel, but he respected his strength. He didn't really want to find out who would win in a fight.

Angel: Are you okay?

Buffy: I'm fine. He wouldn't have hurt me

Angel: I know

Buffy: _(smiling)_ you just wanted to show him who I belonged to, right?

Angel looked around, innocently and Buffy rolled her eyes.

Buffy: Did anyone tell you you're just slightly possessive?

Angel: You complaining?

Buffy: Wouldn't have you any other way

Angel smiled and kissed her.

Angel: Me neither

Buffy hugged him tightly, snuggling into his warmth. Suddenly Angel felt her body tense. He moved away slightly and looked into her eyes.

Angel: Buffy? What's wrong?

Buffy: It's nothing

Angel looked at her for a moment, showing her didn't believe her. He saw her eyes flicker over his shoulder. He looked around for a moment before noticed Parker Abrams staring right at them. He turned back to Buffy.

Angel: Is it Parker?

Buffy hesitated, then nodded. Angel was about to ask her something else when she pulled him on to the dance floor. He danced with her for a few seconds before talking again.

Angel: What's wrong? Were you and Parker together?

Buffy: Kinda. We went on a couple of dates together

Angel: And?

Buffy: Well, he wanted more than I wanted to give

Angel: He tried it on with you?

Buffy: _(nodding) _yeah, he tried to make me…but that's in the past

Angel: Why didn't you tell me?

Buffy: Because I knew how you'd react. I knew you'd want to kill him

Angel: Damn right I want to kill him

Buffy: But it's over, okay Angel. He hasn't tried anything since. I said no and that was that. Please, don't do anything Angel

He didn't say anything and avoided her gaze so she moved a hand to his chin, forcing him to look at her and stroking his face gently.

Buffy: Please

Angel: Okay

Buffy: Promise me

He hesitated and she looked at him expectantly.

Angel: I promise you, mo chroi

Buffy: Thank you. Now let's enjoy the rest of the night, okay?

Angel nodded his assent and held Buffy tighter, focusing on the fact that she was here, with him now. And trying to forget that anyone else had even tried to touch her.

When the countdown to midnight came, Oz came off stage and took Willow in his arms. Buffy and Angel turned to face one another, amazed that they were finally together, after so many years of wanting. As everyone shouted Happy New Year, Angel kissed Buffy soundly, and hoped that the year that came would be a great one for them.


	8. The Prom

_This part is M, be warned!_

Buffy and Angel had been together for five and a half months and it was the night of her Prom. She'd been shopping with Cordelia and Willow a couple of weeks earlier, searching for the perfect prom dress. And she'd found it. She smiled to herself, Angel was gonna lose it. And he didn't know what was coming later in the evening…Joyce was travelling out to an art show that night and Buffy would have the whole house to herself…her and Angel…they'd waited for five and a half months, Buffy had wanted it to be perfect. Now she felt like it really would be.

A knock came on the door and Buffy opened it to be completely shell-shocked. Angel stood there looking gorgeous in a black tux and bowtie, his hair gelled. She felt her knees go weak at the sight of it.

When Buffy opened the door, Angel thought he was going to faint. She looked absolutely beautiful. She had a long pink chiffon dress that went out at her waist. Her hair was down with a few strands tied back with a pin. She looked like a princess. His princess.

Angel: Wow Buffy, you look…you look so beautiful

She smiled at him shyly.

Buffy: You look pretty good yourself

She invited him in. The limo was going to pick the two of them up from Buffy's house. They were sharing a limo with Cordelia, Xander, Willow and Oz. Joyce came in, her suitcase readily packed and a camera in one hand.

Joyce: Oh you two look perfect!

She quickly began posing them and taking photos.

Buffy: Mom, I don't think you need to use the whole film

Joyce: You'll only have your prom once, I want to make sure you have plenty of photos to remember it by

Buffy grinned inwardly. They were going to have lots of reasons to remember this night…

A honk came from outside and Buffy and Angel walked out. Buffy gasped at the sight of the black limo. All for them. It was perfect.

As soon as they entered the school hall, Buffy dragged Angel off to dance, ignoring his protests.

Angel: We could get something to eat first?

Buffy: Uh-uh Mister, I've not seen you much since you went back to college, you've got to make it up to me

Angel grinned down at her and moved so his lips were just above hers.

Angel: Really? How?

Buffy: You know how

He smiled and touched his lips to the tip of her nose.

Angel: Like this?

Buffy shook her head and tightened her hands around his neck. He kissed her cheek softly and looked at her questioningly, but Buffy shook her head more adamantly.

Angel: How about this?

He pressed his lips to hers, pulling her body flush against his. He gently slid his tongue into her mouth and caressed hers. When he pulled away, she was flushed and breathless.

Buffy: Yeah. That'll about do it

Cordelia: God, don't you two ever stop?

Buffy looked to see Cordelia and Xander dancing right near them.

Angel: Nope

Cordelia rolled her eyes, winked at Buffy and then dragged Xander off to dance somewhere else nearby.

Angel: Now can we get something to eat?

Buffy: Are you always hungry?

Angel got a mischievous glint in his eyes and he bent down to nibble her ear lobe, then whispered in her ear.

Angel: For some things

Buffy blushed slightly and Angel grinned, knowing she'd caught on to what he was thinking. He took the opportunity to unwrap himself from her and lead her over to where the food was.

They'd been at the prom for four hours, it was 11 o'clock. It wasn't officially ending until half past, but Buffy didn't want them to be too tired so she'd booked the taxi for 11. They said goodbye to their friends and after the taxi dropped them off Angel kissed her, preparing to say goodbye and go to his house.

Buffy: Hey, where do you think you're going?

Angel: Uh…home?

Buffy: Uh-uh. You're coming back with me

Angel looked at her questioningly but nodded and let her lead him to her house. She took him up to her bedroom, slipped off her shoes, then turned to him and kissed him softly. As they pulled away she took one of his hands and guided it to the zip on her dress. His hand froze.

Angel: Buffy

Buffy: What?

Angel: I don't understand…

Buffy: It's called a zip Angel, you pull it down

He glared at her for a moment, giving her a withering look; then wrapped his arms round her waist, resting his forehead against hers.

Angel: You know what I mean

Buffy: I'm ready Angel

Angel: I want you to be sure

Buffy: I am sure. I've had this planned for a while, you know

Angel: Minx

She grinned up at him and kissed him again, leading one of his hands back to her zip. This time he obliged and pulled the zip down. The dress slowly slid down and she stepped out of it, trembling slightly with anticipation. Angel's breath caught in his throat as his eyes travelled over her. She was just wearing a tiny pair of French knickers. She moved forward and slipped his jacket off his shoulders, then unbuttoned his shirt, letting it fall to the floor.

He cupped her cheek with his hand and kissed her tenderly, then slid off his shoes and socks and walked her backwards towards the bed. She lay down and motioned for him to join her. They lay on their sides facing each other, kissing each other. At first the kisses were soft and tender, but they quickly became more passionate and before long Angel was lying on top of Buffy, supporting his weight with his forearms and kissing her deeply. He broke off the long kiss for a moment, studying her face. He could tell she was nervous.

Angel: Buffy, are you sure?

Buffy: I'm positive

He gently rubbed her nose with his before turning his attention to her smooth neck. He kissed his way down her body until he got to her stomach. He paid special attention to her stomach, kissing every inch of it and slowly swirled his tongue in her belly button, causing her to giggle. He reached her French knickers and slowly pulled them down and threw them to the floor. Though they'd gone further than kissing, they'd never done that before. She blushed heavily and he moved back up to kiss her lips softly.

Angel: Hey, don't be embarrassed. It's just me

She smiled shakily at him and he moved back down, kissing the inside of her thighs. She drew in a breath and tried to relax, which was difficult seeing as Angel was in between her thighs. At that she began to giggle softly, until she was all out laughing. Angel lifted his head and looked at her, puzzled.

Angel: It's not supposed to tickle

Buffy: It's not that

Angel: What is it?

Buffy: It doesn't matter

He stared at her for another minute but just as he lowered his head again, she started laughing. He sighed, mock-exasperated.

Angel: I can tell I'm gonna have to wipe that smile off your face

She was about to ask how when his tongue touched her long and hard in the most intimate place. She immediately stopped laughing and gasped instead. He stopped for a moment and grinned up at her.

Angel: Thought that'd do it

He continued again and Buffy arched her back, blushing red at the feelings she was having. This was Angel, her best friend Angel was…doing that to her!

Buffy: Oh God, Angel

He moved back up her body and pressed his forehead to hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down to kiss her. As his tongue slid into her mouth she reached down and slipped his boxers down, leaving him to kick them off. Suddenly he stopped.

Buffy: What?

Angel: I don't have any protection

Buffy: Top draw

He reached over into the bedside table and pulled out an unopened box of condoms.

Buffy: Told you I'd been planning this, took me a while to pluck up the courage to get them from the chemists

Angel chuckled then opened a wrapper and slid a condom on. He braced himself over her with his hands and looked down at her seriously.

Angel: I love you Buffy

Buffy: I love you too

She lifted her head up to kiss him and he responded, then slowly slid into her. Her cry was caught by his lips and he softly pressed his lips to hers again, soothing her. He held still when he was all the way in her, letting her get used to him. Buffy took deep breaths, adjusting to having him in her. It was painful and uncomfortable, but she slowly got used to him. She looked into his eyes and lifted a hand to trail his jaw line.

He took that as a sign to continue and slowly began to move, moving out of her just slightly and thrusting back in slowly. It was killing him to move slowly, but he knew he had to do it for her. She began to notice that the pain was rapidly being replaced by pleasure. Lots of pleasure. She began to move with him, lifting her hips to his at first hesitantly but soon with a growing passion. He captured her lips with his as he increased the pressure and friction between them. They both let out soft moans and Buffy arched her back when he kissed the sensitive skin behind her ear. She cried out his name, falling back against the pillow and he quickly joined her, collapsing next to her, panting heavily.

He got out of bed and disposed of the condom, then climbed back in and pulled Buffy to him, gently stroking through her hair. She propped herself up on her elbow, looking at him through tired eyes.

Buffy: I always knew you'd be my first

Angel smiled at her and ran his fingertips up and down her silky back. She kissed his nose then settled her head on his chest, snuggling in to him. He tightened his arm around her and sighed happily.

Angel: Love you

Buffy: Love you too


End file.
